Pro-Ana Intentions

I have been drinking lots of coffee and living mostly off low calorie Popsicles, and coffee.

My intentions are to lose of course.  . . . I have not weighed myself in probably over a month and am not happy with myself right now.
I still struggle with b and p's. Mostly from social pressure to eat. .. eh. I hate eating.

This next weekend I'm going on a little vacation so during the week this week I plan to fast and cleanse. I love fasting and cleansing so It will make me feel so good by the weekend and hopefully I'll be good enough to weigh.

I have some pants that I recently ordered off the internet that are a bit snug when I put them on. I plan to keep them with me while traveling for work this next week and wear them to remind myself not to eat so I can fit into them loosely.

Wish me luck!
I'll update you on how it goes.

-Blue 

Pro-Ana . .. .. Little dolls

Tired all the time, Can't sleep.. .. Here we are the little dolls.
Struggling on our own  ... My loves, you're not alone.

My darlings I am here with you struggling every day with you.

I think to myself how can this be. It's so hard to look at me.

I am so tired, and sick of fighting it sometimes feels like I'm dying.

I fell off the wagon again .. mostly from forced social situations ..but this week I will fly away to freedom.

Fall is here now and it's time to literally purge all the bad energy and negative people out of our lives.
Here we go again fly away blue butterflies. Fly away to freedom.

Love you all,
Thanks for being my secret garden
I can hide away with you and feel safe

Ana Bella

The last couple months have brought big changes for me in my life.
All for the better. I have been a steady 107lbs. and am still focused on dipping down to 100 soon.
I feel over a hump and ready to press forward with that. Plus less eating means more time for other things. Not that I have eaten much lately.
Keep on keeping on going for Ana Bella's sake.
I'm still a size 0 by the way which is good. I still feel like a house though. . . so fleshy and gross.
but there are a time or two where I'll look at myself and see someone Bella looking back at me.

Keep on going my lovelies.
Until next time.
Blue Butterfly

Fly Away Blue Butterfly

The feeling of hunger pangs have become my friend. There is a satisfaction I get from my mid day visitor. Hunger  sensation in my core. It is a welcomed feeling as of late. I revel in it until it dies down. I almost feel it gives me energy. I am 108 right now. I was afraid to get on the scale because I haven't weighed in months, but I'm glad to know. I feel like the empty feeling has helped me feel better about the stress. I usually will eat some fruit or vegg for dinner like I earned it, and it relaxes me. I really enjoy artichoke and salads. I did fall off the wagon recently to go out to eat but I didn't splurge too bad. I have a photo shoot next Wednesday. I'm hoping to lose at least 3 pounds by then.

I am but a fragment of my own imagination.

Caffeine is my new Sugar.

Sugar is keeping weight on me.
I admit it now, I am a sugar addict, but no more!
I  will detox myself of sugar. I attempted to this week starting Monday,
but was angry and moody and soo soo tired! I get it now.
I substitute eating real food for sugar, and just eat enough sugar to keep me going (barely)
but I have noticed big warning signs to my health.
In the last couple months I have noticed my energy plummeting after about an hour after eating sugar, and
I feel hot and sweat around my eyes right after, and I also noticed my hair falling out thinning, and breaking easily. I also noticed an insatiable thirst that can never be quenched no matter how much water I drink. and all night long I have to get up to go pee, so it's effecting my sleep also.

Those are all warning beginning signs of diabetes.

Therefore I have made it a high priority not to eat candy.
I have a sweet tooth for skittles and gummy bears, so no more.

I have been thirsty for months now, that's months too long.
I fell off the sugar addiction recovery wagon last night when I drank a sugary drink, and today couldn't help but have some gummy worms.

I will start right now. no more sugar! if I crave sugar I will drink a sugar free coffee or energy drink so keep my energy up.

Cheers to recovering!
TTYL,
Blue Butterfly